To stay or to leave
This is the first blog written in English since I've been in U.S.A. It generalizes what I've done in the first two semesters and what my thoughts are.
It has been totally one year since I came to U.S.A. Everything seems not changed, especially my poor English. I think it is time for me to write some thoughts down, one for improving my English, one for recording my story.
The idea to study at U.S.A. was born when I was working. During that time, our team leader told me that I met all the requirements of studying Masters in American schools. All I need do was to take TOEFL and GRE tests. What he said had intrigued me, for I had been dreaming studying abroad since I was in high school. Also, for my little private dream, I thought America was the heaven of people like myself. Keep a dream like this, I got fair enough test scores and came to U.S.A in 2016.
I took part in an activity held by our school to have a travel around NYC and Boston, and the small city where the school located. Our leader was a very pretty American girl and she was younger than me, because I'm the oldest among the students (God I wish I was not that old). We ate meals of different styles, went to Rockefeller, ABC Studio, Statue of Liberty, Harvard University and many beautiful scenes.
This had given me an impression that America is prosperous. People always have things to do and you can find everything here, even your dream can come true if you have ambitions.
However, after the beginning of the first semester, things had changed as well as my thoughts. Tough assignments were so overwhelming that I thought I can't get a little spare time to breathe. The same routine repeated every day, doing homework, doing homework and doing homework. I even didn't have time to think about my dreams. Well, this was not the most serious problem. At the end of the second semester, it was time for us to look for internships. I thought it may not that hard to get one as I have three years work experience. To my surprise, I failed at it. I knew I didn't work hard on it, but the issue was my identity, I meant our identity, which became a barrier to the road of getting a job. Most small to medium companies did not receive any foreigners and not provide the sponsor for a work visa. As I wanted to start my own business, this was not a problem. A more important reality came up that if I could start my own business, why at U.S.A.? Yes, this is the most challenging problem that needs me to solve on my own.
Before I came to America, I decided to have a completely new life with a completely new myself here. In Beijing, I stayed at home a lot and have few friends. I had always been alone and feel lonely. I swore to make a change in myself, but the truth is, as some intelligent people said, you could not change only by switching the place you live, or you would be the same yourself in a new place. This has become true. I'm staying in a foreign country. And the lifestyle, the language are quite different, which I didn't expect. I thought in school, I could make a lot of friends and experience the school life again, that happy and fulfilled life. In fact, I was too naive. Students here are only to study, they seem do not need an 'old' friend like me. My personal impression perceived by them may be only a big brother and we have no common interests, because of age or something else.
Now I'm just thinking that I've made a wrong decision. My personality has restricted me to be just me and I'm not brave to change. There will be the last semester in which it is the last hope or chance to start a new life and decide whether to stay or leave. Best wishes to me.
It has been totally one year since I came to U.S.A. Everything seems not changed, especially my poor English. I think it is time for me to write some thoughts down, one for improving my English, one for recording my story.
The idea to study at U.S.A. was born when I was working. During that time, our team leader told me that I met all the requirements of studying Masters in American schools. All I need do was to take TOEFL and GRE tests. What he said had intrigued me, for I had been dreaming studying abroad since I was in high school. Also, for my little private dream, I thought America was the heaven of people like myself. Keep a dream like this, I got fair enough test scores and came to U.S.A in 2016.
I took part in an activity held by our school to have a travel around NYC and Boston, and the small city where the school located. Our leader was a very pretty American girl and she was younger than me, because I'm the oldest among the students (God I wish I was not that old). We ate meals of different styles, went to Rockefeller, ABC Studio, Statue of Liberty, Harvard University and many beautiful scenes.
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| Boston |
This had given me an impression that America is prosperous. People always have things to do and you can find everything here, even your dream can come true if you have ambitions.
However, after the beginning of the first semester, things had changed as well as my thoughts. Tough assignments were so overwhelming that I thought I can't get a little spare time to breathe. The same routine repeated every day, doing homework, doing homework and doing homework. I even didn't have time to think about my dreams. Well, this was not the most serious problem. At the end of the second semester, it was time for us to look for internships. I thought it may not that hard to get one as I have three years work experience. To my surprise, I failed at it. I knew I didn't work hard on it, but the issue was my identity, I meant our identity, which became a barrier to the road of getting a job. Most small to medium companies did not receive any foreigners and not provide the sponsor for a work visa. As I wanted to start my own business, this was not a problem. A more important reality came up that if I could start my own business, why at U.S.A.? Yes, this is the most challenging problem that needs me to solve on my own.
Before I came to America, I decided to have a completely new life with a completely new myself here. In Beijing, I stayed at home a lot and have few friends. I had always been alone and feel lonely. I swore to make a change in myself, but the truth is, as some intelligent people said, you could not change only by switching the place you live, or you would be the same yourself in a new place. This has become true. I'm staying in a foreign country. And the lifestyle, the language are quite different, which I didn't expect. I thought in school, I could make a lot of friends and experience the school life again, that happy and fulfilled life. In fact, I was too naive. Students here are only to study, they seem do not need an 'old' friend like me. My personal impression perceived by them may be only a big brother and we have no common interests, because of age or something else.
Now I'm just thinking that I've made a wrong decision. My personality has restricted me to be just me and I'm not brave to change. There will be the last semester in which it is the last hope or chance to start a new life and decide whether to stay or leave. Best wishes to me.
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